Good Morning Tribe!
It's come to my attention that maybe I need to post a blog clarifying to people just exactly where I've been for the last five years. So here goes! About five years ago I came back from a trip to India where I spent a few months on what some would call a pilgrimage. When I returned to Florida where I had been living for 13 years I wanted a change. I decided to move to North Carolina to start over. I thought I was going to live there and reopen my coaching practice. Things were already falling into place. I had started coaching a few people already and life was moving along... until it stopped! I had a life altering experience and had to make some quick decisions on what to do next.
So I decided to move to my hometown here in Northern California. I took a beautiful road trip with a childhood friend and we made our way back to El dorado county. I'm not sure what I was expecting but when I got back I became extremely depressed. I was raw and vulnerable. I had just went through a major spiritual awakening while in India and I was exposed.
For many years now I have studied a particular Guru from South India and his life's work has been about self inquiry. When I started following him I felt like I had finally found something I didn't even know I had lost. For most of my life going inward has been my focus so this was a perfect fit. When I moved back to California I realize that I had grown so much from the person that I once was. This was obvious because the people around me seemed to not know me anymore, this was confusing, I had known some of them my whole life.
This is where things really took a turn, once I got to California I was diagnosed with a non-curable illness and was urged from many doctors and my therapist to not focus on work, and to focus on learning to live life with my illness. So with the support and endless medical records I began the journey. It was highly suggested that I apply for Social Security, along with this I was also told that I should not work in the field of addiction. It was not clear if and when I could return to work.
At this point I was also diagnosed with PTSD and there was a concern that if I continued to work in the field I was not going to get well. I didn't want to believe it at first. There really is so much more to the this part of the story, it's just too much to write. Let's just say, I've lost a few people over the years and I had a hard time realizing that I did all I could do. #regret! I know this now. However, this has always been the hardest pill to swallow for me, coming from a mother who continues to struggle with her addiction, I have a hard time letting go to say the least. Honestly, being clinically diagnosed sent me into an even worse depression. I was being told I could not do what I truly believed was my life's Purpose.
I was introduced to this work in 2004 and started working in the field of addiction immediately. I went to school at Palm Beach Community College and studied to become an addiction counselor, during this time I also became an interventionist and began to do interventions across the states. In 2009 I got certified to be a professional life coach and opened up my own office in Delray Beach Florida. I started to help many people who suffered from addiction, these folks were in transition, they were making their way to a better healthier life. The work was rewarding and I was on fire. I was having great success both financially and personally, my clients were doing great, but of course there's always a few clients that are not quite ready yet.
I took my position of authority and inspiration very very seriously, and still do. I started to think about what I can do with my life? I was almost 40 and I couldn't imagine working anywhere, or doing anything other than what I had been doing since 2004. Fear and depression unfortunately got the best of me and I made some bad choices that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. I no longer was the person that I had spent so many years creating, it was an interesting dynamic because I actually recognized the person that I had recently become. I was her before, I was her as a child, I was her as a teenager, I was her when I did not think or know that I had a choice to become someone different. I started to dislike myself and as many of you know, when you dislike yourself you start doing things that aren't so healthy. I found myself in situations, around people that didn't build me up, they actually were knocking me down and on purpose! Truth be told I became suicidal and I had to make some drastic moves for self-preservation. Again, not my proudest moments but what I was proud of was I had the mindset to actually notice it, knowledge it, and do something about it.
That to me is the truest definition of transformation and what this work is all about.
So here I am 40 and needing to start over again... I went back to school for 2 years and received a teaching certificate while exploring the idea of becoming a Montessori or Waldorf educator. I realized after much research and discovery that I still have coaching in my heart. Those who know me , know this is who I am. I was scared to get back out there but I had drug my feet long enough and people were starting to reach out to me for help. So I listened to my calling and took the leap.
I'm no longer in school and I have just launch my new coaching website last week. I'm getting the most beautiful words of encouragement and people really are starting to believe in me again. This is only possible because I believe in me again. There is nothing or nobody that can tell me that I am not Whole, Perfect, and Complete. I know this to be true. I definitely spent some time in my shadows over the last 5 years but for me, that's where most of my growth happens. Excruciating yes, but where I feel pretty comfortable. Here I am, I just jumped and I'm having faith that the net will appear but as we all know with success we also become vulnerable to judgement and ridicule.
To a certain degree I will even say challenges like these are needed at times. I know these challenging individuals have many of their own issues and it really has very little to do with me personally but I will not lie and tell you that it doesn't hurt. A few days after launching my website I was personally slandered by a few of these toxic people I speak of and it felt like a punch to the gut. I wished there was something I could doing about it but then I remembered that nothing happens by mistake and the universe handles all things that get to be handled. I have been attacked for being on social security due to my illness and basically made fun of for having a disability. That's just mean and wrong.
Truth is, I never thought I would be in a position or mental state to open up those doors to Coaching With Sheree ever again. I thought the illness that I was diagnosed with was going to win. It affects several areas of my life but the mental torture and depression have been the worst to battle. This has been the last five years of my life. There were times I thought I was going to be this way for the rest of my life. But, I was completely wrong! I just needed remove myself from toxic people and environments. I needed to pick up my books. I needed to open my heart. I needed to go into nature and explore, remember who I truly am. I know I am far from perfect. Never claimed to be. But I am a good person who has the desire to see others succeed, this is my gift.
I do know one thing, I will never ever forget the many people that I've helped transform their lives into something beautiful and worth living. And let me not forget, I am one of those people too. I'm sure I will continue until the day that I die to awaken just a little bit more. For those who don't believe in my abilities or my consistent transformation I say this to you,
"I never asked for your permission to accomplish what I have nor do I need it. Your opinions of me say more about you and your lack then mine. What you are doing is slandering a person who suffers from an illness that I will battle for the rest of my life. I don't know about you but I could not live with myself knowing I had that much hate and anger in my heart. I wish you well, really I do. You go your way and I will go mine."
And so it is...